2012 – A role call of people in my life – past and present:
- The Boy – My partner of close to nine years, who has stood by me whilst I have struggled with a multitude of sins, most of which he is oblivious to. However, the main one that he has an issue with is my drinking – he was the first person to verbalise that I may have had a problem, and the only one to have the balls to call it as it is. To call me an alcoholic – for which I love, admire and respect him for. He is the first person in my life that has refused to be blinded by my self delusion, to play the game and to treat me with kid gloves. He is strong, caring and realistic – the first man I have ever truly respected and admired. The Boy can drive me crazy a lot of the time, he seems to bring out the worst and the best in me, however there is no hiding from him. Throughout the nine years we have been together, he has stood by me – god knows why. He must be as crazy as I am.
- My Mum – Mum is a beautiful, amazing and scared woman, who deserves the best in life and has been given a whole lot of shit to live with. My heart aches whenever I think of her, I just want to cry with sadness and hug her, however at the same time I need to get away from her. We are too close, too similar and too familiar to each other – she is my best friend, my strongest supporter and I have not always been the best daughter to her. I cannot say too much more about her – it hurts too much.
- Sparkles – my beautiful, beloved greyhound who has the eyes of the late Princess Diana. She charms the socks of everyone that comes her way, yet remains wholly and solely devoted to The Boy and I. She is the love of our lives and I would be lost without her when The Boy goes away.
- M – M is my sponsor of less than four weeks – she calls it as it is, has been available to help work me through the steps, and I am pleased that she doesn’t expect me to call her everyday or, as yet, do something that I haven’t felt the need to do. It’s working just fine at the moment.
- LMT – a friend that I have a lot of feelings for, who was a drinking buddy up until a year ago. I haven’t seen LMT for just under a year, and although we have ‘tried’ to catch up, we haven’t yet been able to. LMT has let me down a few times – the most recent this weekend – which has forced me to reavaluate my reasons for my feelings and to continue to keep a distance and hold on those feelings. LMT – Little Miss Trouble who wore would wear my Tiffany ring to feel closer to me.
- There will be more people who pop up during the telling of my story and I will add to this list as I need to.
2019 – Updated Role Call:
- Joey – I see the boy in the man, the vulnerability of his soul and the tortured, slightly narcissistic tendencies. He’s been both a blessing and a curse since May 2013 and is still hanging in there – bless him. A toxic and heady mix of my father (such a boring cliche), Forrest Gump, Jack from The Shining and dirty Bertie ADF veteran. I know right?!?!?! Wow – what a good match for me – right down to the rope, the dope and the dole. I knew what I was getting into within 2 months of meeting him via a short lived stint on a dubious online dating website. First and last attempt at online dating for this little black duck. Three strikes and you’re out Joey – 2013, 2017 and 2019. Too bad you let slip that you don’t find me interesting to talk to – that I’m boring and annoying. Oh look – there goes your potential fuck buddy out of the door Joey. Good luck finding another me. You know what I mean.
- Bobby – ahhh babe – my true soul mate from age 18 to now. My Romeo to my Juliet.
- Ms Corinne – my amazing Psychologist who has kept me alive and sane with sprinkles of humour and tonnes of support. Who’s professional candour and conduct has been appreciated and recognised.
- Ms HF – my Psychiatrist who’s professional candour and conduct is on par with Ms Corinne. Flak jacket and bullet proof vest occasionally required to withstand the directness of her questions, the speed of the sessions and the hail of bullet like opinions and diagnosis. Patient reviews support my experience – as a patient you either survive the tear gas with Ms HF as your Doctor Extraordinaire or run for the hills dragging your bullet ridden carcass as fast as you can away from her. I see her weekly. What’s that I hear? A question ? What does Ms HF stand for? Ahhhhhhh Ms High Functioning. Hell Fire (and brimstone), How Fucked (is my life) …..it’s up to you. 😉
2022 – Roll Call of Closest People In My Life
2022 – Roll Call of Friends
- Louise (lovely lovely Louise)
2022 – Roll Call of Remaining ‘Family’
- Dads brother
2022 – Roll Call of the Deceased
So it is easier to make a roll call of the deceased in my life at this stage:
- Tracey – 2018
- Troy – 2017 (found out Christmas Day 2018)
- Mum – 2016
- Nan – 2015
- Pa – 20014
- Dads Mother – 2014
- Auntie G – 2014
- Lexie – 2010
- Russell – 2007
- Ian – 1993
- Dean – 1993
- Priscilla – 1993
- Dad – 1983