Funeral Song

This song has resonated so deeply with me – I wish I had never heard it.

It’s beauty, depth and pain reflects my life and where I find myself day after day. Battling to keep afloat and alive. Constantly searching for a reason to live, for lost family and I keep getting the same results. Nothing. No one.

London Grammar – Strong

The Cruelty of Others

Do you want me to die? Cease to exist? Am I so toxic and putrid that you would rather see me fall deeper into the darkness – shoved in the back by you?

I don’t understand how, or why, people wish to a
inflict their own toxic, psychologically fucked up selves onto others.

Some days I feel like a butterfly – caught, trapped and pinned to the board – still breathing and alive. You have me where you want me – yet you hate me. You hate my ability to thrive with or without you. You hate that I still see the wounded child within your narcissistic, sociopathic crazy fucked up world.

You will keep trying to control me. To you it is a game. To me it could be the end of my life. Do you truly realise that the end result could be the death of me? That one day I may just shut down, stop avoiding your butterfly net.

How can people be so cruel to those they insist they care about?

I’m done playing.

It’s over.

Father – deceased 1983 & Mother – deceased 2015

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