Well too soon for me. Not soon enough for you.
I struggle – was my ego the right choice in keeping you alive? I sometimes regret it.
I know I’ll never try to control anyone ever again.
I can’t bring you back snd it kills me.
I can’t ask anyone about you because they too are dead.
I feel you around me, see you. I love you and miss you.
Everything and everyone has gone.
I am now trying to rebuild everything.
Job. Career. Study. Friends. Life. Health.
I lost my mum, my beautiful mum nearly six months ago.
It is only now that I have started living again – some days I truly did not know how life could start being good again. Or if I wanted it to.
Since mum died, I lost my purpose, my reason and desire to do anything or to achieve anything other than getting out of bed … I was lucky to have a shower.
Now. I have finally gotten a job, in the welfare sector that I love.
I am starting to find me for the first time in 40 years.
All because I lost her.
What in hell happened.
I am standing in the ashes of my life ….. stunned and mute….
Everyone has gone – death has taken them from me – my entire family in the last 24 months have died.
My relationship is dead.
I don’t have a job anymore.
But I DO have the lovely option of studying and working as a volunteer working with people in need of the very basics – food and shelter.
So, although I am completely on my own, I am blessed. Truly blessed.
Life could be worse. Life has been worse. Life will be worse if I am not careful and take care of myself.
The story will be shown to you dear reader of this diary.
Just stick around and I will tell you in pieces.