Ok. I am ready.
WE are ready.
WE have a confession to make ….
In 2020 I, WE, came clean with ourselves, some chosen friends and our therapists.
Yes therapists – plural.
1 Psychiatrist (known for less than a year).
2 GP’s (known for 20 years).
1 Psychologist (known for 8 years).
In 2019 I had a complete and utter breakdown starting October 2019, worse December 2019 and full blown by May 2019.
The whys and whats will slowly come out in time – I promise.
There is a LOT that has happened in the last decade that needs multiple posts. But for now I need to share something really quickly.
One fine sunny Sunday afternoon in 2020 I/we finally asked a friend if they ever had multiple voices in their head – arguing, fighting and debating multiple points in their head. All with different voices, talking over each other and not agreeing on one point.
That Sunday had been particularly bad – we had been at the supermarket and the people in my head were arguing over and over again. I was distressed, crying and utterly, utterly exhausted. So I asked Nancy to come over – something I had never done before.
Over tea and biscuits we were chatting away when I asked her the scary question – “Do you ever argue with yourself in your head?”. She hesitated and said … “Nooooo…. not really…. I debate situations but not argue….”. That wasn’t enough for me .. So I continued and asked does she have MULTIPLE people or voices in her head arguing different viewpoints of one subject in her head … at the SAME time.
Nancy was lovely. She paused. Considered her answer carefully and said, again, “…Noooo….”
I sagged visibly.
I was afraid of this.
I knew finally I couldn’t hide from it anymore.
I ALWAYS had multiple PEOPLE talking, arguing, crying and even screaming in my head – and that was the best of it – most of the time they were YELLING AT ME. Calling ME names. Telling ME OFF for something I had or hadn’t done.
So what does this mean?
I have Dissociative Identity Disorder…. DID….old school Multiple Personalities.
I have multiple personalities that live inside of me – that are separate to me – they are not even me.
Not even this blog is me.
This blog is Isabella’s domain.
This isn’t Isabella writing this – crazy huh?
Isabella will come back and write – this is her domain, her blog.
But for now you are stuck with me.
Stuck with my boring stories, my boring life and my boring writing.
Isabella is the creative individual who loves to party, let loose and go wild. You may recognize some of her adventures and her voice. Certainly her and Kat are the fun ones … you haven’t met Kat yet .. but you will.
Lots of luv,