To come back I need to go away. I need to go away to come back. Yesterday I was thrust
“Hope is the thing with feathers that perches in the soul and sings the tune without the words and never
An absolute gift at 6.40am after another night without sleep. A brain that has fleas, fleas, fleas. Thousands of fleas
Joey – you almost killed me. But you didn’t. You say you saved me – yet you were the reason
love to ravenwolf ❤️❤️
I need to go away to come back. Yesterday I was thrust head first into the ice cold deep cruel
This song has resonated so deeply with me – I wish I had never heard it. It’s beauty, depth and
Do you want me to die? Cease to exist? Am I so toxic and putrid that you would rather see
I miss my family.
I don’t belong to anyone.
I miss my family.
I don’t belong to anyone.
Reading this at the moment. Am in no state to write my own. Review by Kara Nicholson for Readings Jessie
Birthday present! Lots of luv, Me xxxxx
Twins with Isabella. Attitude. Fuck you cunt. But god she’s a blast. You always know HellKat is nearby – her
So Simple It Hurt.
In the blink of an eye it was over.
Almost before it had begun.
Love in a strange place and time – falling deeper into your arms.
Anything for a laugh to ease the anxiety.
****** Warning – possible triggering contact ****** Voluntary euthanasia or assisted suicide is currently illegal in all states of Australia.
Saturday April 21st 2016 – I went back to AA a shaking, shivering mess, huddled in my thick parka and
If you choose to dance with the devil do you ever win? I’ve always stepped towards the flame – not
But listen to me: for one moment, quit being sad. Hear blessings dropping their blossoms around you. God. Rumi
Forty-five and still alive……
Cyndi Lauper – Like A Cat I lived in your shadow I drove your car You thought I belonged in
I hate that f*****g movie.
The beginning of the end or the start of something new?
2013 – in reflection – was the start of the end …. although it could be argued that either the
“I don’t want my idea of you. That’s too easy, and it isn’t real. I want you, faults and all.
Blog name change from “Just Be Normal” when I first started this blog in 2011/2012(?). My now ex partner used
Life is slowing down again since May fall out. To cope I have reverted back to keeping busy. I’ve been
Life is a fog of unseen and untold events and memories – this year has culminated in a complete and utter meltdown.
I miss you Mum..happy birthday..xx
One of my favourite songs – You and Me – Penny another Quarters Credits: https://eccentricsoul45s.bandcamp.com/album/penny-the-quarters-you-and-me-b-w-some-other-love
My last post was over a year ago – when I thought I had it together and was getting going
I am back. I hope. It has been a long and hard road back to feeling like I can share
I truly do not know what the future holds for me and it scares me …. even though I know
It is almost a year since mum died and I am still grieving. Still lost. Without her, I feel like
It’s 6 months today since mum died and the pain is easing slightly but the loneliness continues without abating. I
Everything and everyone has gone. I am now trying to rebuild everything. Job. Career. Study. Friends. Life. Health. I lost
Dodson ADHD Center – Willliam W. Dodson, M.D., is a board-certified psychiatrist who has specialized in adults with ADHD for
“I am currently unsupervised, I know, it freaks me out too….. But the possibilities are ENDLESS!!!!” Yep. Unsupervised. SCARY???? Yep.
You know, the Universe does know best. If you try to ignore it, fuck with it or go against it’s
People enter your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. At the time you never know why, and
A lot has happened in 2013 – love, life and death. Oh. And a lot of sex. More of that
The elegant art of falling apart … the graceful beauty of surviving… Having spent an entire long weekend with myself,
Oh yeah. I. Am. Back. In a big way. In a good way. Stronger and better than ever before. Life
So confusing. Life. The Boy and I have split up and it is so hard. I am so close to
Ok so reality check which is what was required unfortunately. Why do I always have to learn the hard way?
Well …. its been a long time since I have been here. I have read back through a lot
Gathering my thoughts is like herding cats ……
Fractured and torn. Upside down and inside out. Losing grip on reality, capturing it for a fleeting moment, only to
No one saves us but ourselves. No one can and no one may. We ourselves must walk the path.
“There is no such thing as Nervous Breakdowns, nerves don’t breakdown People choose to.”
It’s been a while since I have dropped by …. the 4th Step had in knots and still has, however
Why life is amazing when waking up without a hangover and still sober: Waking up at 6.00am on a work
Reasons I am so glad I didn’t drink last night as I nearly did:
As I age, I realise that I have been searching for something my whole life – just what it is,
So glad I have a choice now. Normally I would have been drunk by now having drunk all week.
Feeling ungrounded and out of sorts is a trigger for me to want an escape, find something to ease the
I wish I could celebrate and jump up and down with joy at hitting 40 days of sobriety. I am
About The Cockroach. A gripping read.
Already curled up in the fetal position at the thought of Step 4. I drank on Step 4. But no
Such an emotional day today – from the pits of despair one minute to a sense of safety and comfort
I feel this crushing sadness and heaviness to my whole being – hard to describe, but like nothing can lift
Today I have had a day of anxiety attacks off and on. It is Monday today and I am in
The 12 Steps Of AA: We admitted we were powerless over alcohol – that our lives had become unmanageable. Came
34 days sober ** Drinks not consumed: 120 Calories saved: 14,461 $$ Saved: $607.00 No wonder I have lost 3kgs,
Thank you to http://thebloggess.com/ – my new queen.
Don’t fall in love with me yet We only recently met True I’m in love with you but you might
I have just found a wonderful website – http://thebloggess.com. Her humour is right up my alley – particularly Juanita the Weasel.
Interview. A must read.
Well, today was not much better to tell you the truth, however I got through the day, without drinking. Although
Where to start my friends? Well. I am still sober and completely and utterly happy about it – I am
Wow. If this is sobriety – I want it. Awake at 5am because I had slept enough – Not because
How bizarre that I just reviewed Step 1 & Step 2 and then found my horoscope to be this. Coincidence?
Last night I nearly drank. I chose not to go to a meeting or call anyone. I put myself at
Just a quick note for today. Life is a little confusing, up in the air, intense and not at all
“So our troubles, we think, are basically of our own making. They arise out of ourselves, and the alcoholic is
Exactly what I needed today: “Do not be discouraged. Few experiences are of less value to me than fast sobriety.
Addiction cartoon -Dr Robert Lefever – Preventing Addiction
I have had the most fucked day. Good outcomes overall but fucked. People going off half cocked without the full
I am in such a happy place at the moment. I have worked from home today and had a chance
An amazing new concept for the day at least – strength arising out of complete defeat and weakness, and the
Have woken with a headache and sore neck. Another day where I am struggling to get out of bed and
For so long I have felt different and alone. As a child of 12 I used to catch the bus
Forgive me for the following – this must be written in the 3rd person for me to allow this to
It’s weird but the way I am going is unsustainable. It cannot keep going on. But I feel like I
I have a death wish surely? Who in their right mind does the shit I do?
> > I am really fucked in the head. > > Who the fuck am I???? > > I am
What I have learnt so far: I am self-will run riot; This 2nd time around at AA has meant that
27th January, 2012, 7.20am I weathered the storm of yesterday by reaching out to others, staying focused and not secluding
Well, as you know, I was not having a great afternoon and it only got worse. The cravings were really
I have had enough. My liver is craving white wine, work is driving me nuts and I just want to
48 hours ‘dry’. My routine is to have a binge, get a hangover the next day, recuperate then drink the
Isabella would really like to know how she can be really in control of cleaning up after herself, talk to
Ahhhhhhhhhh…….. I have my Mojo back. Problem – next door neighbour is still screaming at young children. and she would
Really. I am unsure. Is it REALLY good for me??? I know she says she is having fun and that
I actually like me when I have had a couple of drinks. I am fun, chatty and engaging when I
It’s 7.30pm on a Friday night and Isabella is still at work – having started at 6.30am and she is
Confession time. Last time Isabella went to see a play with The Boy she ensured that she was well protected
Ok. Isabella has broken her own rules. Never drive, at all, regardless how you feel. IsaBella was fme tonightNmshe knows
Reasons to be grateful and sober: Clear mind and thinking with clarity; Less mood swings and feelings of anxiety; More
1. Walked past a couple yesterday who were getting the flat tire changed on their car. Made a pleasant comment
> > > >
Well, Day 1 wasn’t too hard in light of not drinking. It was hard due to the detox I have
3rd January, 2012 – reflections of diary entry. Life was bleak. I am desperate to not sink into this hole
I am desperate to not sink into this hole of blackness. To not curl up into a ball and cry,
Damn it. I am back where I started in February 2010. Well, that’s not quite true. Life is not as
Oh god. Isabella has done it now. She lost the battle and is now facing the consequences. She is wondering
Isabella is day dreaming but it’s not a good day dream. It’s wrought with pitfalls. She is contemplating going to
Well. I know for a fact … or do I …. that I am not adopted. The reason I know
It is the witching hour, when all the ghouls and bad men come out to play, when little children freeze
My memories until nine were of my daddy beating my mummy. My visual photos dispute this time. It’s confusing. My
Next door neighbors. Screaming, swearing and smashing of glasses. She is yelling and screaming. Completely reverse of my childhood. Call the
I have spent my entire life lonely, alone. The most familiar feeling to me is that of silence and time
Soooooooo……. Is there any area in my life that is working right now???? The Boy turned up at home after
Waving, Not Drowning Drowning in memories and dreams, I fall deeper and deeper into the depths of despair, I wallow
Why, if there is nothing wrong, does Isabella feel like nothing is right? Why does she have butterflies and a
Always searching for someone, a friendly face, a recognised face. As soon as the doors closed behind me I feel
Swan dive into the abyss of depression. Let go of the tenacious hold of sanity. Release the strict structures around