Where on earth to start?
It’s been so long since I gave this site any proper love and we are feeling it. We need this site to get things out, to expose and expunge. Yet we have been reticent in doing so – nay – avoiding it, hating ourselves for not using this site. It has been so good to us.
Having feedback from others has been a tonic to my ills.
Knowing someone listens has kept the dream alive of writing.
So I am sorry poor website/blog/diary – friend. For you are more than any of those labels – you are a friend. A friend that I have neglected and missed dearly.
I have said it before, and I will have to say it again.
I. Am. Back.
This time in a new space, renewed life – one that was totally unimaginable to me. My life now is nothing like I had ever imagined it to be. AA had promised a life beyond my wildest dreams if I just did not pick up that first drink. (perhaps not in those terms). And I haven’t.
I am still sober as of the 21st April 2016 – close to six years sober! Incredible.
And whilst my life now is beyond my wildest dreams, I have fought hard, worked hard and played hard to get where I am. And Where I Am is not everyone’s ideal scenario – or mine if I am honest. But it is the best place I have ever been in many ways. I am so lucky and fortunate.
If anyone had told me I would have ended up in psych wards sober – I would have laughed.
If anyone had told me I would end up not working since May 2019 for the foreseeable future – I would have scoffed – Never.
If anyone had told me I would tell my biggest secret to people – I would have still denied the secret.
If anyone had told me I would be helping to raise a 17 year old – I would have never been able to envision it.
If anyone had told me I would end up in a loving, healthy supportive relationship – I would have thought they were lying.
Yet all of that has happened – and more.
I have been diagnosed, monitored, treated, supported, loved, have lost many but gained a few.
I have a life beyond my wildest dreams yet it is the quietest life I have ever led.
I am not working – unable to work.
I have no family – they all passed away on me.
I am not ‘mentally well’ – yet I am the best I have ever been.
I have not been writing – yet there are numerous stories in my head.
I am one – but one of many.
I am me – yet do not know who I am – still.
That’s enough for today dear one.
Lots of Love