Such a loser

Ok so reality check which is what was required unfortunately. Why do I always have to learn the hard way?

The one fucking person I should have listened to and respected and I didn’t. Thought I knew best and that he didn’t understand me, wouldn’t listen to me.

But what it all comes down to is that I didn’t love myself, trust myself or even like myself so why on earth would I do the same to the person who loved me? To trust him would mean to trust that I am loveable.

Fuck. This is going to be hard.

I want to be normal and look after myself, love myself, eat healthily, exercise and make good safe decisions.

I also hope that when I do get my shit together that The Boy and I still have a chance. I think we have the potential to be great together and I love him – unfortunately more than I love myself at the moment.

I don’t think I have too far to go to do this – it’s in my grasp. It’s just so fucking painful.

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