Ok so reality check which is what was required unfortunately. Why do I always have to learn the hard way?
The one fucking person I should have listened to and respected and I didn’t. Thought I knew best and that he didn’t understand me, wouldn’t listen to me.
But what it all comes down to is that I didn’t love myself, trust myself or even like myself so why on earth would I do the same to the person who loved me? To trust him would mean to trust that I am loveable.
Fuck. This is going to be hard.
I want to be normal and look after myself, love myself, eat healthily, exercise and make good safe decisions.
I also hope that when I do get my shit together that The Boy and I still have a chance. I think we have the potential to be great together and I love him – unfortunately more Han I love myself at he moment.
I don’t think I have too far to go to do this – it’s in my grasp. It’s just so fucking painful.