Well …. its been a long time since I have been here.
I have read back through a lot of my words, and wow, so confused, fucked up and basically a mess.
The good news is that I feel like I am on the way to happiness…. real happiness. Core happiness.
I don’t feel like I am trying to herd cats when it comes to my thoughts.
I don’t wonder what is it all for, why do I bother getting out of bed? Is it worth it, what’s the point and can I escape my life, me.
I feel like I am on the way out of the depression that had me for as long as I can remember.
I now know why people get out of bed in the morning happy.
I understand why a simple thing like walking the dog is not a chore but a blessing.
I get why people want to be healthy and fit.
Why normal people love, laugh and sing.
It’s because life can be great if you let it.
If you don’t fuck it up by hanging around the wrong people for you, work in an environment that does not suit your skills and personality.
I have figured out you get back what you put out and in.
For the first time ever I feel like I am beginning to know who I am and I may like her.
So how did this come about?
In May I lost/quit/resigned from my well paid corporate job through stress. Then started my own business working by myself, for myself, with clients I like. I will not pretend that it has been easy – it hasn’t at all, it’s been stressful, tiring and a huge learning curve which is still occurring.
However, what it has given me is this:
- The ability to choose my hours, my clients, my work and my environment.
- Structure my own day and week so that I can work towards incorporating a good work/life balance –
- walk the dog if I don’t have meetings in the morning,
- exercise 3–4 times a week is an aim,
- eat well is still an aim,
- be happy and positive with loved ones,
- be there for friends.
- Appreciate life and nature
Finally, it has given me a reason to get out of bed in the mornings – because I am working towards being fulfilled and happy. I still have my incredible days of depression where I wonder why I bother, why do I keep going, and question if anything is worth it. However those days seem to be getting less and less thankfully.
I still have a long way to go and expect a few more ups and downs, but overall I know that I am on the right path finally and will continue to work at it.
“Happiness is not a destination. It is a way of life”