I feel this crushing sadness and heaviness to my whole being – hard to describe, but like nothing can lift it, I cannot be bothered to even verbalize the pain I feel.
It is all I can do to care enough to try to get out of this funk, to even bother trying to get my message out tonight.
Not really a hard day, just a day of soul sapping, non events that I cannot control – in fact, I was fine at work but now I am at home I feel like crying. If I had the energy and the desire to discuss with The Boy.
Three things are bothering me – from the greatest to the least (I think):
- Work continues to be a point of stress – I think it will be until I see The Manager tomorrow and we have our meeting. However a huge part of me wants to listen to his (undoubtedly) negative feedback – because of course I am the all knowing – and then throw a resignation in his face. Stupid thing is that I really like my job – I just do not have support or assistance.
- Moving or not moving to Abu Dhabi. So.Over.It.
I know …. nothing of the above can be controlled by me, I know that I have to ask for help to manage the feelings of anxiety and depression. I know that this too shall pass, that I will wake up in the morning and feel better – in fact – I will feel better once I speak to The Manager tomorrow so that is one issue off my mind.
Too bad I cannot seem to shake the low feelings.