A quickie

Just a quick note for today.

Life is a little confusing, up in the air, intense and not at all bad. What’s going on:

• I have been consumed with work for the last week – literally consumed – and sleeping for 5 hours, waking up on Saturday and Sunday at 4am and working for hours. Knowing that the next 6 weeks are going to full on focus on my staff, training them and ensuring that they are fully trained and able to excel at their work. And it feels like everything is on my shoulders. Without support or positive feedback from my Manager (who is another state). But that’s ok – I know that I don’t need smoke blown up my arse.

• My grandfathers 90th yesterday – and he spent the lead up worrying that he wouldn’t make it, then spent the day overwhelmed god love him. It was hard to see how old my grandparents are and how scare of dying they appear to be. I hope that I face my death with dignity and strength and positivity – I don’t want to end my life afraid and thinking the end is within the next minute.

• The Boy is away for ten days – in the UAE of all places. And, if he likes working over there, and is offered enough money, I have agreed that we will up and move over the for 12-18 months. Which means giving up my job, leaving my poor mother behind, leaving AA and support group I have built up over the last 8 weeks, potentially leaving behind my beloved dog, and everything else that comes with moving across the world. Did I mention that if we agree, he has to be there mid April? I am excited, scared, up for it for soooo many reasons, but at the same time there is a huge amount of anxiety because, well, let’s just say that I don’t do change well. At all. I tend to (cough) drink too much to cope. So. Interesting.

• My health is a bit of an issue at the moment – my Gastroenterologist did some testing last Monday and he ruled out Chron’s disease, however whatever is going on, it seems to be progressive (just like alcoholism) and has been getting worse in the last 2 weeks – to the point I am eating minimal food due to the discomfort and lack of appetite. However, the positive thing is I have lost 3kgs in one week.

• I am already distancing myself this week – possibly because I am so damned tired and lacking in sleep, however I am worried about myself as I am isolating myself which is BAD.

So bad that I was seriously toying with the idea of drinking tonight and nearly went out to buy a bottle – imagined myself doing it – it was just lucky that my feet didn’t follow my brain. To distract myself – even for a minute – I didn’t feel like it – but I logged on and read my comments from my readers. Boy – I still cannot believe that people actually read and comment – but knowing that some people care actually made a huge difference. Such a big difference in that I didn’t drink.

So thank you everyone for your support. I am feeling guilty that I have yet to touch base with you all and read your stories, however when my life is a little less crazy and I have some time, I will be reading, following and supporting.

Love.

Isabella.

xxxxx