For so long I have felt different and alone. As a child of 12 I used to catch the bus for the hour long ride into the city just to feel a part of something. That practice continues today. I seek comfort in the community sometimes – particularly when I am drinking. When I drink alone at a bar, hotel or cafe, I do so to be social – to feel a part of society. Don’t get me wrong, I quite often sit on my own reading, then observing, then if I have the time or enough wine, I socialize. However I always leave alone and disconnected – feeling buoyed by the talk and safe in my anonymity.
I have always have the feeling I am searching for someone – someone I have lost. Someone who will find me.
Now, I don’t feel as different, I have found out that I do have a group that I belong to and they are there should I choose to accept them. I just have to reach out and ask – which is hard for everyone and I am no different.
At the moment I am part of a “hole” that is within me – one day I will be part of a “whole”.
We all will be.