Reasons to be grateful and sober:
- Clear mind and thinking with clarity;
- Less mood swings and feelings of anxiety;
- More money – less money spent on wine and food to soak the wine up;
- No more drink driving;
- More time to self to complete goals – both daily and long-term;
- Improved relationship with The Boy;
- Improved relationship with Mum;
- Ability to be the best at work that I possibly can be;
- Less tired, more energy;
- Able to sleep soundly;
- No more night sweats;
- No more paranoia or trying to cover my tracks;
- No longer feeling like I am tied to a bottle;
- Less cravings for wine;
- Obsessive thinking of when, how and how much I can drink from when I first wake up (first thoughts are in the shower);
- No more drinking during work hours and getting paranoid that people will realise;
- No more regrets for actions or words spoken after a couple of glasses of wine;
- Ability to have healthy friendships not based on drinking;
- Liver will feel a lot healthier;
- Body will feel healthier;
- Skin will be clearer;
- Lose the “Wine Weight”
So I am still sober – I am not wanting to count the days as I feel that it may be self-defeating and a negative pathway to sobriety. So I will focus on the things that I have realised in the last week and how I have managed to get this far:
- I have realised that the only time I am a loser is when I am drinking. When I am not drinking and give myself a chance I am actually ok.
- I cannot stop after one glass – proof is in the pudding as they say.
- It was not unusual for me to stop on the way home and have at least 3 or 4 glasses of white wine in an hour to just feel like going home. Yes, I would drive. No, it is not ‘normal’
- I would constantly plan how and when to have my next drink – first thing in the morning it was my thought.
- I could go two days without a drink but that was it.
- Last time I was sober for 6 months and in AA it was all due to ‘self will’, which although sounds good, if you follow the AA steps, Self Will is what you should be concious of. Hence I failed as I hadn’t asked for help.
- This time I have completely given all ownership away and continually ask for guidance and assistance because it is obvious I cannot do it myself.
- HALTT is a huge thing for me – Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired and Thirsty. Once I recognised that a lot of my cravings for white wine were actually cravings for a cold drink or juice.
- Tired is also a huge thing for me as I would drink wine for energy, rather than have a nap, excercise or eat something healthy for energy. Even if The Boy was away I wouldn’t nap as I felt guilty and bad for being so lazy.
- Just don’t have the first drink – very true. If you don’t have the first drink, you won’t finish the bottle.
- I only know of two other people like me and they don’t do the stupid things that I do;
- I actually like myself more when I am not drinking.
- I still remember the BAD way the first glass affects me – I get all loose limbed, sure, relaxed, however it isn’t always a nice feeling. Sometimes I would drink even when I didn’t feel like it because I knew that after the first one, the rest would be better.
- I have lost so much time, self-respect and achievements from drinking – it was my ‘hobby’ and the reason that I didn’t finish things or why I would not hold to my commitments – when or if I would make them.
Think that’s it for now.